When it does hit you

You know I had to attend two funerals in a row the past two days, two young guys. I didn't know them, but for the guy I witnessed the ceremony of yesterday, this is strange. When I listened to all the speakers, it occurred to me he was very much like me - almost scary similar. He had outstanding social skills, something I can safely say for myself; he worked for the COC (the oldest still remaining GLBT organization in the world, a Dutch platform), was a scoutsleader, taught at a school which I had visited in the 6 months he worked there and was an organizational talent.

I was amazed about the fact that I did not know him.

He was just 5 years older than I am, society lost one of its best.

And he was SO not done living yet. Listening to what he had planned and what he got himself into. How the schools he worked for fought for his time and how he was a remarkable person with much ahead of him. The 'unfinished-ness' of things, the loss of such a remarkable cogwheel in the machinery of society - that did hit me. Not while on shift of course, I am a very professional person in many respects. But I did feel a little down when I got home. Nothing I had ever felt before after any funeral. Nothing a Scotch couldn't fix, and fortunately there was this gay boy I know through the helpers forum to unload on. But enough to start off this post with.

Today I had a lazy day. Again. : ) I'm really noticing how things get sloppier and sloppier when I am without a rhythm from either school or work. My place is a mess. But anyway, I took it easy today, paid some extra attention to my diet and donated blood this evening. When I got back Dave (the straight blond thing) was there to meet me just after I put my bike in the shed. We went to the parents of one of my scouts, who is more or less the focus point of torture in the scoutsgroup and I was not looking forward to seeing that position escalate the coming year - especially since it's just me and one colleague who are running the group. I explained the problem quite straight-forward and the parents took it well. We are placing him in the parallel scouts group, which is easier-going and hasn't got a very masculine atmosphere hanging among the kids - so no very dominant kids he needs to prove himself to. The parents agreed and we asked the kid as well, he was looking forward to the new group, where he already knows a few kids, so he has a connection.

Tomorrow, as I realized this evening after a very late e-mail, I'll be trying to pry loose a loan from the government and - what the mail came for - will be doing a First Aid shift in Groningen (where I live). Not for the Red Cross directly, a different FA organization asked for our assistance. Which we are always happy to give, be it for a reasonable price. I don't see any of that money of course, but that what volunteer's are used to.

I've been thinking about gay marriage, and especially marriage, a lot lately. What benefits it has, but also what drawbacks. I know many people who live out their lives together, without ever getting married. But I definitely see myself giving way to such a contract. I think it does show the world that you are serious about a relationship and, well, it's how it's supposed to happen. The classical way of being together, for real. Thinking of an ideal spouse my thoughts tend to wander...
The perfect husband. Matthew is bound to make a man very very happy. Such a sparkling personality (for what we see of it), so stylish and beyond any doubt one of the most beautiful men the world has ever known. There seems to be a resemblance between him and David Wenham... I don't know what it is, but I guess it's the facial features. Both are definitely insanely gorgeous.