Ever since I grew up enough to think about it, I've thought of children - and not having them. I spend a lot of time around young humans, at scouting, ranging from the age of 6 or 7 to the less cute but more interesting age of14 and up. Children often push it too far, looking for boundaries. I can't say they irritate me, because they don't cross my real boundary, they cross the superficial boundary me and the other leaders uphold. When they cross the 'safe line', we correct them. This should prevent them from going too far, for real. I accepted for myself that children are a bitch, they cost a lot, take a lot of energy, effort, and what do you get in return?
I think many people limit themselves to one-dimensional thinking like that. Missing the point that, perhaps, children are not a tool for self-gain, but an objective in themselves. Like an opposite of money, which is far too often seen as a goal, instead of the means to something different than currency. Where the goal of having children comes from beats me. I don't know. It might be instinct, it might be because I just like children, or because I like to care for things. I've argued several times that gay men have gay sex, because that sex is a natural (though futile) attempt at reproduction. That is what humans are wired up for, we desire sex, in a certain form, because we want to reproduce. Dressing up in latex and being crapped upon doesn't count as that 'certain form' of sex, of course. Such would just be the decadence of mankind, the result of our seemingly inherent sloth. Reproduction comes at play in more aspects of our live, in the choice of partners, altruism and personal fitness.
I was giving a course on homosexuality for a class in Assen, a city much shittier than Groningen, on a Christian school. Besides having a minor family reunion with a niece who happened to sit in class (whom I failed to recognize completely), the ladies in class asked me whether I'd like to have children. Rather stunned by this question which wasn't about gay sex or gay acceptation, I muttered "yes, very much." To which all the girls went "awww!" I blushed and my fellow presenter was smiling ear to ear. I guess I wasn't prepared for this topic, though I handled it pretty well and went on explaining how gays and lesbians cán have children. Up until yesterday I held the option of foster-parenting in front of me; taking (temporary) care of children from dysfunctional homes or from other unsuitable backgrounds.
Apart from donating blood every 3 months and donating anything they could possibly need after I die in a hospital, I've been toying with the thought of donating sperm. This 'toying' has been going on for several years, since I first got in touch with the subject; becoming more seriously this past year (2009). Yesterday it sprang to mind again and I looked some stuff up on the internet. It was hard to find information, perhaps why I failed to do it earlier. I took it to the First Aid course in Leens, which involves me in public transport for about 45 minutes. Just enough time to read the 8 pages of the brochure. It appears the hospital which accommodates my bloodbank, also has a place for artificial insemination and a small sperm bank.
So I'm seriously considering being a sperm-donor. They need people to do it, it doesn't hurt (unlike that damn needle at the bloodbank) and it is without risk. They do pay people a small 'compensation' of 25 euros (cash) on top of travelling costs, which I find unethical, but we'll see what can be arranged about that. Perhaps they'll explain it's because they don't want us to please ourselves for five days up to the donation. I can deal with summer camps, which are 9 days long, so 5 should be easy. Regardless, there is a huge intake process, involving a medical examination, questions and blood tests. But it may be worth it.
Donating sperm anonymously is illegal in the Netherlands, because it is unfair to the children who want to find their biological parent. A donor remains anonymous to the requesting family or single woman, but the resulting child will be allowed access to personal information of the donor at 14 and 16. At 14 the child only receives some personality traits, to get a general idea. At 16, the child gets the whole package and a meeting can be arranged between the biological father and the child (if desired by both parties). Reading this yesterday evening, sort of motivated me. The (slight) level of authority over frozen embryo's also pleased me, since, if they are not used, can be destroyed, used for scientific testing or for stem-cell production. I have no problem with either, so that's good too. My blood may also be used for scientific testing instead of 'saving lives' more directly. The brochure cleared a whole lot up, and really made me want to do this.
But somehow something feels bad. Or unfair. It may be because I fear they'll ask about my sexual behaviour, like the bloodbank does. If it's on paper that won't be a problem, but in person, stuff gets more difficult. I am a terrible liar. Besides the fact that it's wrong to discriminate when pointless, it is also wrong to distrust volunteers. Many people do this, in the Red Cross as well, I don't see why. Perhaps people are anxious about this strange phenomenon where individuals give something to a complete stranger, without wanting something in return. Selflessness seems scary, because people are unfamiliar with it.
Perhaps something seems off because I am secretly hoping to meet some offspring, or because I am satisfying my need to reproduce. But that doesn't seem like a bad thing. I do a lot for other people, but, what have I done for me lately? I mainly think I want to do this to pass on my genes, secondarily to help other people with their wish for children. I don't think I will drop the thought of being a foster parent - quite the contrary, this might motivate me even more.
Perhaps it's just this nasty cold I caught...
We'll see how this turns out. I'll keep you posted.
I think many people limit themselves to one-dimensional thinking like that. Missing the point that, perhaps, children are not a tool for self-gain, but an objective in themselves. Like an opposite of money, which is far too often seen as a goal, instead of the means to something different than currency. Where the goal of having children comes from beats me. I don't know. It might be instinct, it might be because I just like children, or because I like to care for things. I've argued several times that gay men have gay sex, because that sex is a natural (though futile) attempt at reproduction. That is what humans are wired up for, we desire sex, in a certain form, because we want to reproduce. Dressing up in latex and being crapped upon doesn't count as that 'certain form' of sex, of course. Such would just be the decadence of mankind, the result of our seemingly inherent sloth. Reproduction comes at play in more aspects of our live, in the choice of partners, altruism and personal fitness.
I was giving a course on homosexuality for a class in Assen, a city much shittier than Groningen, on a Christian school. Besides having a minor family reunion with a niece who happened to sit in class (whom I failed to recognize completely), the ladies in class asked me whether I'd like to have children. Rather stunned by this question which wasn't about gay sex or gay acceptation, I muttered "yes, very much." To which all the girls went "awww!" I blushed and my fellow presenter was smiling ear to ear. I guess I wasn't prepared for this topic, though I handled it pretty well and went on explaining how gays and lesbians cán have children. Up until yesterday I held the option of foster-parenting in front of me; taking (temporary) care of children from dysfunctional homes or from other unsuitable backgrounds.
Apart from donating blood every 3 months and donating anything they could possibly need after I die in a hospital, I've been toying with the thought of donating sperm. This 'toying' has been going on for several years, since I first got in touch with the subject; becoming more seriously this past year (2009). Yesterday it sprang to mind again and I looked some stuff up on the internet. It was hard to find information, perhaps why I failed to do it earlier. I took it to the First Aid course in Leens, which involves me in public transport for about 45 minutes. Just enough time to read the 8 pages of the brochure. It appears the hospital which accommodates my bloodbank, also has a place for artificial insemination and a small sperm bank.
So I'm seriously considering being a sperm-donor. They need people to do it, it doesn't hurt (unlike that damn needle at the bloodbank) and it is without risk. They do pay people a small 'compensation' of 25 euros (cash) on top of travelling costs, which I find unethical, but we'll see what can be arranged about that. Perhaps they'll explain it's because they don't want us to please ourselves for five days up to the donation. I can deal with summer camps, which are 9 days long, so 5 should be easy. Regardless, there is a huge intake process, involving a medical examination, questions and blood tests. But it may be worth it.
Donating sperm anonymously is illegal in the Netherlands, because it is unfair to the children who want to find their biological parent. A donor remains anonymous to the requesting family or single woman, but the resulting child will be allowed access to personal information of the donor at 14 and 16. At 14 the child only receives some personality traits, to get a general idea. At 16, the child gets the whole package and a meeting can be arranged between the biological father and the child (if desired by both parties). Reading this yesterday evening, sort of motivated me. The (slight) level of authority over frozen embryo's also pleased me, since, if they are not used, can be destroyed, used for scientific testing or for stem-cell production. I have no problem with either, so that's good too. My blood may also be used for scientific testing instead of 'saving lives' more directly. The brochure cleared a whole lot up, and really made me want to do this.
But somehow something feels bad. Or unfair. It may be because I fear they'll ask about my sexual behaviour, like the bloodbank does. If it's on paper that won't be a problem, but in person, stuff gets more difficult. I am a terrible liar. Besides the fact that it's wrong to discriminate when pointless, it is also wrong to distrust volunteers. Many people do this, in the Red Cross as well, I don't see why. Perhaps people are anxious about this strange phenomenon where individuals give something to a complete stranger, without wanting something in return. Selflessness seems scary, because people are unfamiliar with it.
Perhaps something seems off because I am secretly hoping to meet some offspring, or because I am satisfying my need to reproduce. But that doesn't seem like a bad thing. I do a lot for other people, but, what have I done for me lately? I mainly think I want to do this to pass on my genes, secondarily to help other people with their wish for children. I don't think I will drop the thought of being a foster parent - quite the contrary, this might motivate me even more.
Perhaps it's just this nasty cold I caught...
We'll see how this turns out. I'll keep you posted.
2 comments:
The world would be a little better place with children that genetically inherit your fine traits, Diederick :)
That's a nice thing to say, I appreciate that. I think such an idea must be part of the drive of reproduction - not to get all superior on everyone...
However, this will take a lot of consideration before actually going for a meeting. The lost anonymity is good, but also complicates things. My mom says intestinal cancer runs on her side of the family, but only the women seem to end up with it. That could be a problem.
But like I said, and tend to say more often lately, we'll see how it turns out.
Post a Comment