Cucumber

The cucumber (Cucumis sativus) is a widely cultivated plant in the gourd family Cucurbitaceae, which includes squash, and in the same genus as the muskmelon.

I went to Leeuwarden today, the capital city of the province of Fryslân, where the Frisians live. I used to go to school there, but as you know, I'm switching. However simple it seems to not go to school anymore, it seems one needs to go there still to make final arrangements. It's like working for someone who is already dead.

Anyway, on my way, in the bus to the central train station of Groningen, there was this woman. Now women usually bother me, with their appearance. Their pathetic attempts at looking sophisticated, makes them all the more sluttish. But sometimes there is more, like when I was sitting in the train later, and this woman, who looked like Ankie van Grunsven, was talking to the woman on the other side of the bench. She was a Frisian, obviously. Now, we call this phenomenon a 'paardebek', a horse's mouth. Basically it's any mouth which upper row of teeth excessively overreaches the lower row of teeth. But it especially concerns women, and a particular voice they produce. They speak from the back of the throat, making a gnawing sound - sort of like Sarah Palin, but worse - and the best part is when they are in a completely trivial conversation with another woman. I wished I didn't loose my MP3 player...

This blog post has been kicking around in my head for a while now, and I thought of it again while in that bus on my way to the station. There was this woman, who came sitting next to me, with an odour on here I had smelled before. It is not a human odour, which I by definition find unappealing on a human. It was the smell of cucumber.
Now I'm not a specialist when it comes to making people smell good, but I know what I like, and have been provided with a reasonably capable brain to make some sense out of this. Perfume only serves two purposes: making you more attractive, and making you more attractive. The first way it makes someone more desirable, is by reducing their personal odour, especially the smell of sweat seems to put people off. This amazes me, because almost all young people I know, shower every morning and shower after they have worked out. So why are they afraid of spreading that ghastly stench? But that's beside the point. The other way it makes them more attractive is by smelling good. So the perfume doesn't just deodorize, it applies a pleasant smell too. The most effective way of smelling good, especially to potential partners, is by adding pheromones to a perfume that is mainly neutral. Of course you hide the pheromones in another smell, like one of those weird Axe perfumes, or whichever other odour can't be categorized; or you'd be back on the first active ingredient, which was making you smell less like a human being - which is what pheromones smell like.

Now maybe my homosexual senses were unaware of any female pheromones, but cucumber, really? I mean, the sour stench of rotting roses is bad enough, but to smell like a walking vegetable!? Beats me.

What baffles me even more, is what the woman must have thought in the store where she bought this. Of course she first smelled it, you always smell a perfume before you buy it (unless you've had it before), what was on her mind that made her buy it? Perhaps she was doing a temp job in a vegetable store, and wanted to blend in. I can see no other explanation for this eau d' concombre.

I never understood women.